


Shame

by Elsian



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:17:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4376915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsian/pseuds/Elsian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You mustn't speak so.” Bofur replied gently, cutting into Thorin's reverie. “Aye, the lad might be a bit softer around the edges than we are used to, but his bow has saved our hide many a time, along with feeding us most nights, and you cannot deny you have enjoyed every meal. Especially you, Bombur!” He smiled, prodding his brothers belly with the mouthpiece of his pipe. Bofur would often jest with the others, but he knew when to stop, when it might get to the point they insult Kili too far. </p>
<p>Thorin wasn't sure if he was grateful for the sympathy or ashamed that it was required at all. More and more he felt that it was leaning to the latter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Old fill for the kink meme, I forget the exact prompt but Thorin has to deal with Kili's more undwarf-like personality traits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shame

“He's so fair of face he may as well be Elf kind!” a jovial voice declared, raising above the previously hushed banter of his counterparts. A number of the company were still awake, and the exuberance of the voice woke Thorin from the light doze that he had barely fallen into. He would have been more irritated, had his ire not already risen at the blatant insult of his kin, for it could be no other that the perpetrator spoke of. Thorin's nephew might have been fair of face, but had more than proved himself to the company twice over. 

However, Thorin couldn't help but see where they were coming from, keeping him from rising to the defence of his nephew. He cast his eyes over to Kili, who was sleeping soundly near Fili, Ori and the hobbit, Balin snoring not far over from them. 

The dwarves remaining awake did not appear to have noticed their awakened leader, continuing in their banter.

“You should keep your voice down, Dwalin.” Nori joked “You wouldn't want to wake the lad and offend his delicate sensibilities.” 

It made sense that it was Dwalin, this time around. The dwarf was a mighty warrior, and there was no other that Thorin would wish for at his side, but the man put great stock in being a true dwarf, and had often pointed out what he would consider to be flaws in Kili's appearance and personality to Thorin himself, so it was not as though the man spoke behind the lad back as such. Still, it shamed Thorin that his great companion thought so little of he whom he called nephew. 

Kili had no 'delicate sensibilities' as far as Thorin was aware, always willing to laugh when his undwarfliness was made apparent to his face, insisting on practising with his bow above a sword no matter what his peers and elders might say about him, but it still seemed to be widely thought the boy was weaker, less than they for his inclinations. 

“You mustn't speak so.” Bofur replied gently, cutting into Thorin's reverie. “Aye, the lad might be a bit softer around the edges than we are used to, but his bow has saved our hide many a time, along with feeding us most nights, and you cannot deny you have enjoyed every meal. Especially you, Bombur!” He smiled, prodding his brothers belly with the mouthpiece of his pipe. Bofur would often jest with the others, but he knew when to stop, when it might get to the point they insult Kili too far. 

Thorin wasn't sure if he was grateful for the sympathy or ashamed that it was required at all. More and more he felt that it was leaning to the latter.

“I wager any of us could do just as well with an axe or a sword as the boy with his little bow and arrow. A dwarf should see the whites of his enemies eyes as he fights them, so that he may watch the life fade with his victory. There is no honour in hiding in the shadows picking your enemy out like a youngling with an ants nest, like some damnable elf.!” 

The slur in Dwalin's voice indicated to Thorin that the man had certainly drank too heavily that night, and would likely have forgotten his words come morning, but it did not make the slight any easier to bear. Thorin considered himself a noble Dwarf, a fine example of their great race for all that he kept to himself most of the time and it bit more than he would care to admit that the rest of his company looked down so upon his nephew Kili, for the others nodded as Dwalin spoke, and even kindly Bofur simply turned his head away, looking unhappy but not willing to defend Kili more than he already had done.

The conversation appeared to have turned away to those 'damnable elves', as Dwalin resented the pointy-eared tall folk as much as Dwalin, and the topic of Kili lay forgotten with them. It preyed on Thorin's mind though, and he slept uneasy that night as his disapproval of Kili and his weapon of choice grew in his mind, dangerously shadowing the affection he held for the young dwarf.

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The next day Thorin tried to keep an eye on Kili as much as possible, though what he was looking for, he was not exactly sure. He tried to reassure himself that he was just watching his youngest, and more peculiar nephew out of concern. The boy was on his first true expedition, and his sister wouldn't forgive him if he allowed the boy to get injured or grow ill. However, he knew deep down what he was really looking for. Anything that would embarrass him, that would bring shame on the Line of Durin as a result of his actions. 

He knew it was foolishness, for only that morning Dwalin had clapped the boy on the shoulder as they prepared to depart, asking him if he had his little toys, to which Kili had laughed merrily and asked Dwalin if he wished to challenge him. The elder had laughed it off and continued to his pony, Thorin watching them from his own steed all the while. He had turned away to find Gandalf smoking his pipe and watching him pensively, and it made Thorin wonder if the wizard had witness the exchange the previous night, having not considered checking to see if the other was also awake. He had not been sat with the awakened company and so Thorin had given him little thought. He couldn't help but wonder if that might have been the wizards doing. He could feel Gandalf's gaze upon him as they rode for sometime, burning into his back, but Thorin could be just as stubborn as a wizard and refused to turn to face him. The wizard would only try to engage him, and Thorin had little interest in what the wizard would have to say. 

He might have been of great use when it came to reclaiming Erebor, but Thorin could handle the affairs of his kin without magical interference. 

Thorin kept to himself for the majority of the day, only speaking with the other members of the company when it was absolutely necessary. He was thankful when they came upon the remains of an old farm, eager to set up for the night and retreat into his own thoughts under the guise of fatigue. Gandalf did not appear to share his desire for solitude though, quickly cornering him, expressing his unease about the farm. 

His temper already short, Thorin argued with the wizard, who took off by himself, to which Thorin could only think 'Good Riddance'. The hobbit looked after the rapidly departing old man with some concern, but Thorin couldn't care less for the feelings of the homely Mr Baggins in that particular moment. He made his way to a corner of the dilapidated house, seating himself and casting a glare at the quiet group who observed him.

The dwarves quickly jumped back into action, setting up camp and the cooking pot for the night, back to their usual boisterous selves, and rather pointedly not making eye-contact with the leader of their company, not keen to draw his ire onto themselves.

All except one. 

Kili glanced over at his uncle a few times, thinking he was being surreptitious, though Thorin knew exactly what he was doing. He huffed when he saw Kili stand and turn to approach him, just pressing his hand comfortingly over that of Fili's on his arm, who was shaking his head softly. Kili said something to his brother, though Thorin was unable to discern what at the distance he was, and watched as the second youngest of the group came to him slowly, moving to sit at his uncles side whilst casting him nervous looks. Thorin simply looked at him from the corner of his eyes, waiting for Kili to say what it was he had come to say.

“Are you well, Thorin?” He said in a low voice, looking to the other dwarf from just underneath his fringe. “Your mood appears to have been foul from the moment we rose this morning.” 

Thorin looked to Kili, who was watching him with bright, eager eyes, a small, concerned smile on his barely stubbled face. His cheeks were rosy from the exertion of helping collect some firewood and the light of the setting sun was shining from behind him, catching in his hair and making him look soft, and ever so slightly ethereal.

Thorin had to turn his gaze away, unable to look at Kili, and he could sense the younger's smile drop from his face.

“I am fine.” He murmured. “I want you and Fili guard the ponies tonight. The others shall bring you your suppers. Go now.” 

Thorin spoke with a tone that clearly stated their conversation was over, and Kili closed his eyes briefly before standing and leaving his uncle to his reverie. Had he turned around, he would have seen Thorin watching him the whole time as he walked away, but he did not. He went to Fili, who was unpacking and spoke to him, obviously informing him of their duty for the night. Fili nodded, standing to leave with Kili for the glade that they had housed the ponies in. 

Fili cast a glance at their uncle as they left, furrowing his brow but before Thorin could even start to wonder what his eldest nephew was thinking, he had turned around, laughing at something Kili had said as they disappeared into the trees. 

He knew he was being unfair to Kili, but it was not the first time it had happened, and it would pass in time. It always did, and he knew that ultimately Kili's skill with the bow was more a help than it was a hindrance, tradition and propriety be damned. He would let his love for his nephew war with his pride for as long as it was required, and then all would be well once more.

Thorin took his whetting stone from his pocket and brought his sword to his lap. It didn't particularly need sharpening, but at least it took his mind off of his shameful thinking of his nephew. 

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It was not until the company found themselves settled in Rivendell, with nothing to fear apart from being surrounded by their sworn enemy in every direction, that Thorin found himself thinking back on Kili, his darkening thoughts having been dispelled by his ire at the situation with the trolls. There was no-one he could truly blame for the incident. Even if Bilbo had not attempted to rescue the ponies, there was very little likelihood his nephews would have come out on top in a battle against a troll, despite their skills. They had all come out of the incident alive, and he supposed he could ask no more than that.

It also amounted to very little in the end anyway, seeing as the ponies they'd gone through so much effort to rescue had all bolted at the first sign of a warg.

He recalls having to stop Kili dashing forward once the trolls had hold of Bilbo, and it was then he noticed that Kili was using a sword rather than his usual bow and arrows. He could see the disgust in Kili's eyes as they surrendered, knowing the lad was probably thinking he could have easily solved this were he in possession of his regular weaponry. Kili had confirmed as much once they were released, greatly lamenting that the battle had taken place without them.

Balin and Bofur had simply smiled and shook their heads at the headstrong young dwarf, whilst Nori and Dwalin jested how good it had been to see Kili being more dwarf than elf for once, for the short while it lasted.

“Well, I think you did well as it were, Kili.” Ori had offered. “I mean, I had my slingshot and it did very little to help.” 

Kili had rolled his eyes at that. “It's hardly the same, Ori.” After that, Dori and Nori had taken to teasing their youngest for his 'bean shooter', and the company had began their hunt for the troll's hideaway. 

Thinking upon it, Thorin realised that Ori was teased so by the others for his choice in weaponry as Kili was, but they had never called him 'elf', never insulted his lineage. He bristled as he thought on this, a dark countenance falling over his face that had Ori edging away from him and closer to the fire they had established using some of what they had designated the less important of Elrond's home furnishings. 

However, as he'd thought, with the passing of time his vehemence had dropped, especially as any of the company had yet to make any more comments upon Kili's archery, and truthfully, Thorin had to admit none of them seemed to truly mind. Dwalin and Gloin may mock, and Dori may roll his eyes, but most seemed to tolerate Kili, who really didn't seem to care at all. Fili obviously doted upon his brother, as he had from the day the boy was born, and Ori looked up to the both of them, though for the life of him, Thorin would never figure out what made them such a point of admiration. He knew that Bofur and Bombur both loved the boys as if they were their own nephews, and Bifur...well he assumed Bifur like them well enough. No-one ever really knew what Bifur was thinking the vast majority of the time. Bilbo also seemed to like them well enough, but Bilbo didn't really know much about anything as far as Thorin was concerned.

Brow decidedly less furrowed, he cast a glance to the company, seeing that his nephews were sat conversing with Ori and the hobbit, laughing over something or another, whilst Bofur was still cooking for his abundant amount of brother, a task that was apparently endless. Dwalin snored loudly from the pillar he was leaning against, soundly asleep, as were Bifur and Oin, whilst Gloin, Dori, Nori and Balin were discussing Gloin's young son, Gimli, whom Thorin knew the dwarf had been reluctant to leave behind. 

Still, he had come, as had every other member of the company, regardless of obligations at home. That included Kili and Fili, who had joined their uncle at the obvious displeasure of their mother. Each and every dwarf had come to his call, and Thorin suddenly felt very ashamed of his thoughts on Kili, and to a lesser extent, Ori. They might not be traditional in their fighting, but they had come to him when few others had and earned their place within the company thrice over. Chastising himself for his behaviour, Thorin settled down to sleep. They would be leaving Rivendell come sundown the next day, and he resolved he would no longer look down upon his nephew for his prowess in archery, pride be damned. 

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The best laid plans often go awry though, as it is said, and for all of Thorin's resolutions, he still held his pride above a great many things, and could be said to be as stubborn as mule. A particular wizard had been noted as saying just that, although perhaps more to himself than to any living being. 

The sun would soon be setting, and the company were all ready to depart, although they had left their temporary camp in the elves domain intact so that what they were planning would not be brought to the attention of Lord Elrond too soon. Thorin had already decided that the elf would not prevent them from their quest though, and he'd like to see him try and stop them from leaving. He had a suspicion that Dwalin might be hoping Elrond did try to prevent them from leaving, but he had no desire to come to blows here unless it was absolutely necessary. 

He was making his way back to company, passing a gathering of female elves, who were tittering with their hands over their mouths and pointing down from the balcony at which they were stood. He glanced over the balcony in the direction of their pointing fingers out of mild intrigue, although the sight he saw had him stopping in his tracks, concealing himself just behind a pillar so that the group of elven maidens did not see him watching.

Fili and Kili were in a field not far below the balcony, just far enough that their voices could be heard, but barely. The field was clearly used for practising archery, with targets set up in various locations, including within the trees and bushes that lined the area. It was not so different from the small area Kili used to set up for himself to practice, although clearly made with the intention of being there rather than Kili's targets quickly hobbled together with whatever he could find lying around. 

Kili was stood with his bow in hand, talking animatedly with two dark-haired elves, who looked identical. Thorin vaguely recalled Gandalf mentioning that Lord Elrond had twin sons, presumably these were they, but Thorin had not cared to remember their names. Kili was smiling widely as he spoke to them, his brother next to him silent, but with a small grin upon his face all the same.

“Me and my brother were astonished to see a dwarf taking up archery!” One of the twins was saying “It is not every day we bear witness to such a sight.” 

The elf's brother nodded in agreement. “We would love to shoot with you, if it is not too much of a bother to you. As you can see, we have a fine field in which to practice and it would be a shame were you not able to make use of it whilst you are with us.” he turned to Fili. “Would you care to join us?” he asked, to which Fili shook his head.

“The bow has always been my brother's area of expertise. I will stick with my sword, and merely observe if it is all the same to you.” Fili replied politely, to which the elves nodded.

They seemed courteous enough, and conversed well with Fili and Kili as they started their little game, laughing and joking. It grated to see his nephews so free with the elves, but they were their hosts, and the young men had not been present for the betrayal of Thranduil. He couldn't really blame them for a lack of vehemence to equal his own, though it would have perhaps been appreciated out of loyalty to their line. 

“Is that a dwarf in the archery range?” 

A lilting voice reached Thorin's ears, elegant but distinctly male, coming from just on the other side of the pillar behind which he was concealed. 

“I do believe it is, Suiadan!” another voiced exclaimed “and with Elladan and Elrohir nonetheless! How mightily peculiar. Perhaps he wishes to learn something that is actually worthwhile.” 

Thorin gripped the edge of the marbled balcony tightly, knuckles turning white. 

“I do not think so, my friend. I saw that one when they arrived here, he had that bow with him already. I do believe he actually thinks he can excel with it.” The other replied with a laugh.

“Truly? Well, it is nice to see a dwarf finally seeing sense!” Suiadan mocked. “It's about time they realised archery is a far more elegant way to battle that all that swinging axes around. So brutish!” 

Despite remaining concealed, Thorin had no doubt that these elves knew that he was there, deliberately mocking Kili in front of him with the intent to anger him. For what other reason would they speak in the common tongue rather than their own language if they believed themselves to be alone. However, he could not bring himself to move, clamping his teeth together tightly as the elves continued, perhaps wishing to test his patience.

It was certainly working.

“I simply feel sorry for the twins, having to watch him decimate their finely tuned art. One cannot handle a bow the same way in which one would throw around a sack of potatoes, after all.” Suidan carried on. His companion laughed in response.

“Oh don't be silly, Carandol! You know how the twins are, I bet they are enjoying his silly little display more than anything else in weeks. Especially from one so strange! I don't think I've ever seen a dwarf with as little hair as he! Perhaps he is a half-breed?” 

Thorin could stand to hear no more, turning on his heel with fists clenched to return to the group, the sound of elven laughter ringing in his ears, though whether it was that of Suidan and Carandol, or the elven twins that were making a fool of Kili he could not be sure. 

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Fili and Kili returned to the company no long before the sun was meant to set, cheeks rosy and eyes bright with glee. 

Thorin could hardly bear to look at them, causing them great confusion when he dismissed them with a wave of a hand and a grunted 'Get your things' when they arrived. Their smiles dimmed, and they looked to the group for answers, perplexed as to their uncles attitude. No-one seemed to know, or be willing to divulge anything to them though, although Bofur offered them a weak smile as he handed them their bags, which he had taken upon himself to prepare for them, with some help from Bilbo.

“We must hasten.” Balin said quietly. “Gandalf has gone to speak with Lord Elrond, but we do not know how long he shall be able to keep him from our sights. Let us be gone.” 

With that, the dwarves made their way out of Rivendell, Thorin leading the way from the last homely house. Kili and Fili remained to the back of the company, conversing lightly with Bilbo, who was rather unduly concerned for Gandalf. 

“He shall come after use, shan't he?” He said, a worried look upon his face as they climbed out of the valley.

“I'm sure he will, Bilbo.” Fili replied, smiling warmly at the hobbit. 

“I wouldn't be worrying about him though. Wizards are usually best left to their own devices, in my little experience of them.” Kili added, with a laugh.

Bilbo nodded. “I am inclined to agree with you, particularly after meeting Mr Radagast.” He replied, but looked to Rivendell all the same. “But still, I do hope that he is able to catch us up soon...”

“Balin, take the lead. You know these roads better than I.” Thorin's voice cut through their quiet conversation, and the older dwarf moved ahead to take lead of the company as they traversed the rock. Thorin stood to the side as the company passed him, giving a brief nod to each dwarf as they passed him, which they returned. Bilbo's nod was rather more terse, but given all the same.

When Kili reached him however, he took the dwarf by the arm, perhaps a little more tightly than he intended, and Kili looked up at him, brow furrowed in confusion. 

“Kili, a word.” Thorin said, so low that Kili almost didn't catch it. 

“Is everything alright?” Fili had stopped ahead of them, realising his brother was no longer at his side. Bilbo stood not far behind him, nervously observing. Thorin lessened his grip upon Kili's arm, but did not let go.

“Everything is fine. We shall catch you up soon, I just need to speak with Kili.” he replied. “Alone.” he added, when Fili did not move. 

The blonde dwarf frowned at them, but eventually nodded and carried on, pulling Bilbo with him and casting a wary look behind him before catching up with Bofur and Ori, who had also trailed when they saw that some of their company was starting to drop behind.

“Is everything alright, Thorin?” Kili asked, once everyone was out of earshot,and looking so blessedly confused that guilt almost made Thorin forget the ordeal entirely and allow Kili to rejoin the others. 

'Perhaps he is a half-breed' rang through his head, and his pride swiftly drowned the guilt he felt looking into Kili's eyes. 

“You need to stop this nonsense before we go any further.” he growled, though he released Kili's arm as he spoke. 

“I don't understand?” Kili said, as every bit perplexed as he rightfully should be. Or perhaps he shouldn't. He was a dwarf. He knew what as appropriate, and what wasn't. It was time he started respecting their culture as was proper.

“This.” Thorin gripped the strap that held Kili's quiver to his back. “This archery is bringing shame upon our line. I have tolerated it until now, as you do the whims of children. But you are a child no longer, Kili. You will fight as a dwarf, or not at all. You have a sword for a reason, make sure from now on that you use it.” 

“But, I thought that you...” Kili began. “I mean, I know it's not traditional, but you can't deny that I have aided us with my bow more than I have hindered. The others may jest, perhaps Dwalin more than most, but I do not believe they truly look down upon me for it.” Kili protested earnestly, eyes wide as he implored Thorin, biting his lip nervously as he finished. Thorin looked away, unable to keep looking at him and still stick to his resolve.

“I have spoken, Kili. As your elder, and your superior I trust that you will listen to my orders. You will fight as a dwarf, or you will not fight at all. Fight as your ancestors have always fought, or I shall send you home.” Thorin struggled to keep his voice in check as he spoke, particularly as he looked back to Kili only to witness the look of utter betrayal that the young man's expressive face was trying and failing to disguise.

Kili's passion for his archery was urging him to argue, to defend himself, but his adoration and admiration for Thorin won out, as it always would. 

“Yes uncle.” He replied, not meeting Thorin's eyes. “I shall try not to disappoint you any longer.”

Thorin nodded. 

“Let us return to the others. They are no doubt waiting on us by now.” He said, before stepping ahead of Kili, trusting the boy to follow and not drag his feet. 

He made his way to the front of the company to join Dwalin and Balin when they caught up with the group, the others looking to them curiously, but asking no questions. Kili returned to his place with Fili and Bilbo, Bofur and Ori moving to join them.

Fili questioned Kili on what had taken place, but Kili refused to speak to his brother on the matter, just saying that 'the issue was resolved.' Fili was not happy with the answer at all, but didn't push his brother any further on the matter. Thorin thought it might not be over though, judging from the looks that his eldest nephew gave him from across their campfire that night, Kili uncharacteristically quiet at his side. It mattered not. All that mattered was that Kili was going to fight like a dwarf from now on, finally no longer a disgrace upon their noble line. Thorin had gotten what he wanted at last.

Although if it was truly what he sought so badly, he could not work out why it was he felt so conflicted every time he laid eyes upon Kili's sombre face.

His slumber that night was uneasy once more.  
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Kili remained quiet and sullen for all of one more day, back to laughing and joking with his brother as often as ever, somewhat easing Thorin's traitorous conscience. Almost. Every so often he would catch Fili looking at him with an expression that was closer to a glare than his usual muted admiration. Everyone knew that the boy looked up to his uncle, but he had his own pride and usually tried to keep his worship to a minimum. Kili was a little less subtle, but they were both endearing in their own way. Which was why it was grating on him so. The general dynamic of the company remained almost the same, except for those moments when Thorin would catch Fili's glares. Or even worse, the times he caught Kili looking at him, eyes still just as hurt and distraught as they had been when they had first spoken.

And just maybe, a hint of something, behind all that pain and turmoil that Thorin was desperately trying to ignore.

But then he would look back once more, and the brothers eyes would be on each other, happy and mirthful as they joked and chatted with the company, laughing at Bofur's jokes or Bilbo's lamenting for his home, though that had grown more scarce in recent days, and when it did, was usually in jest at himself. Thorin huffed and shifted by his tree as his looked upon the hobbit, who was talking with Dwalin about his tattoos. Perhaps unwisely chosen on the hobbit's part. The elder dwarf could talk of his markings for days given the opportunity and a willing ear, ears that usually grow less willing as the time wears on. At least he was entertaining the company though, and was finally serving some kind of purpose by being with them, even if it was almost as pointless as his presence. Had it been any other than Gandalf who had suggested bringing the creature, Thorin would have sent him and them packing long before the quest had even begun. However, he trusted Gandalf's judgement, dubious though it could be at times. 

The fire was burning low, and the night had fully settled when the others began to turn in, sensible Balin first and foremost, followed by Oin and Gloin, the others slowly following until only his nephews and the hobbit remained, Fili and Kili talking in hurried whispers. If he didn't know better of the two brothers, Thorin might even think they were arguing, but the two hardly ever argued, and if they did it was never for long, apologies coming thick and fast after an hour of realising how much they missed the other. Their dependence on each other was probably far too strong, but it was good to see such a bond. Bilbo was sat looking somewhat worried near the two, and Thorin sat up straighter, wondering what could have the two in such a state.

“You should sleep.” he said, interrupting their debate with a finality in his tone neither would dare argue with. Bilbo was already unrolling his sleeping kit from his bag, moving without any of those still awake noticing him. 

“Yes, Uncle.” Fili and Kili said sullenly, standing to retrieve their things. Fili stopped before Kili, placing a hand on his arm and rubbing gently before pulling his younger brother into a hug. Apparently their altercation was nothing too serious, and which that Thorin hunched back down against the tree, intent on gaining some of his lost sleep that night at last. 

It was not a half-hour more when he felt someone sit next to him by the tree, gingerly moving closer to him. Cracking an eye, he found Kili besides him, looking for all the world as he had as when he was a young child, plagued by nightmares because Fili decided all the tales of Smaug and the loss of Erebor needed some grisly embellishment. 

He raised an eyebrow at the lad.

“You should be sleeping Kili. We enter the mountain range tomorrow and you will find rest a lot harder to come by up there.” He chastised, voice low.

“I know. Sleep eludes me this night though.” Kili hesitated. “May I stay with you, Thorin?” Kili asked, but already shuffled closer, having never known his uncle to turn down this particular request. 

Thorin sighed and frowned. “You better not kick me again.”

“I can promise nothing.” Kili said with a cheeky grin, before pulling his blanket up to his chin and leaning his head on the soft fur that lined Thorin's coat. Considering he'd been having so much trouble sleeping, Kili certainly had no problems in dropping off on Thorin's arm, chest rising evenly in the repetition of sleep in less than a quarter-hour.

Thorin rolled his eyes before settling down to sleep, but he could not deny it warmed his heart that Kili still sought him out in this time. It meant that he was surely over their discussion a few days previous, and was finally ready to begin fighting like a true dwarf. He smiled down at the head of brown hair before closing his eyes, before realising Fili had his eyes upon them from where he lay.

“He really loves you, Thorin.” the blonde dwarf said, quietly as not to disturb the others around them.

“And you do not?” Thorin asked. Fili sighed in exasperation.

“Not like him. I'm older, I may joke and jest, but I know the severity of this quest, and what it might yield. I know I shall have to take responsibility when the time comes. I love you, Uncle, dearly, but Kili, he needs you. Probably more than he realises.” Fili replied.

“Does this conversation have a point, Fili?” Thorin asked.

“He'd do anything, you know. As long as it came from your mouth.” Fili sighed, pulling his blanket further over himself.

“Go to sleep, Fili.” Thorin turned away from his eldest nephew, closing his eyes and signalling that their conversation was over.

Fili stayed silent for a moment, contemplating Thorin.  
“Goodnight, Uncle.” he finally said, before turning over to face away from them.

Thorin just grunted and hunched down, Kili huddling further into him in his sleep, burying his face in the fur. His conversation with Fili had been confusing at best, and somewhat indicative of things Thorin wasn't so keen to think upon. However, as uneasy as it had made him, he found he had a better nights sleep than he'd been gifted with in weeks with Kili at his side.

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What had seemed like an inevitable death had quickly descended into chaos with, as it was apparently customary, Gandalf's arrival. He fought the Goblin King, forcing him from the platform upon which they were being held and yelled at them to take up arms, defend themselves and giving the company a chance at escape they had thought long since passed. 

Kili had never been so thankful to see anyone in all his life as he did at that moment, and he quickly dropped to his knees in order to retrieve his bow from it's position on the floor, reaching out with one gloved hand as his comrades battled with goblins all around him, fingers brushing the wood of his faithful weapon as he made to pull it towards him.

And then Thorin stepped past him, fighting valiantly with Orcrist against two goblins at once, whom he quickly felled before turning to combat another foe. He was only in Kili's sight for the briefest of moments, but it was enough to have Kili pulling his hand away from his beloved bow. Glancing around, he saw Fili fighting bravely with his two long knives, Dwalin swinging his axe, even Ori had his knife in hand. Against all the odds, even with the battle raging around him, Thorin's words entered his mind, reminding him of his threat to send Kili home if he did not begin to become more 'dwarven' in his behaviour.

He knew his strength lay with his bow, but he was certain that more skill would come with his sword,in time, and as they say, practice makes perfect. With that he turned away from his bow completely, sweeping up his sword that lay not far from his side and flung himself into the fray, desperately trying to recall everything he had ever learnt about fighting with a sword. 

His old lessons came back to him quickly, urged on by necessity and Kili grinned ferociously as he took down goblins along with the rest of the company, before they had finally manage to clear a way to escape, taking off down the winding platforms and precarious bridges that made up Goblin Town. 

It seemed as though the goblins were coming from everywhere, crawling from under platforms, running out of various huts and doorways of the mountain, even sliding down the walls to land in front of the company, all desperately trying to end their lives with a variety of rather rusty looking weaponry that Kili had no desire to make contact with. They even had their own archers, something that he would have never expected of goblins, but then again, it wasn't expected of dwarves either. Their aim was poor, and their bows badly maintained, one creatures bowstring even snapping as he drew the weapon back and taking his own eye rather than any of the companies, at which Kili let out a harsh laugh, circumstances be damned. 

However, even if poor aim meant an arrow to the knee rather than the heart, it would still hurt, and that was something he was rather eager to avoid. The other dwarves were busy fighting, defending themselves as best they were able, and so Kili also chose to focus on his own salvation for the time being. He quickly fended off two incoming arrows with his sword, surprised etched onto his face when it actually succeeded, but he knew he would not be able to keep it up forever, far more accustomed to being the one firing the arrows. For a brief moment, he lamented the loss of his bow, but he forced it down. He was doing exceptionally well with his sword, for him. Fighting off nippy goblins was rather different to hacking wildly at a trolls ankles, but he was not dead yet, and that had to count for something. Kili snatched up the nearest object to him to use as a shield, which unfortunately a ladder which meant some rather large gaps, but it seemed to do the trick, the arrows being fired at him impaling the wood of the ladder rather than his face.

The ladder proved to come in handy when the dwarves that he was with encountered a large gap in the runway structure, which had him curious as to how the goblins dealt with it on a daily basis, but he had little time to muse on it between dodging the arrows flying his way and the goblins intent on cleaving his skull in two. It stung that he was unable to deal with the archers who dwelt on the far side of the interior of the mountain, safely out of their reach. He could have easily sorted them out with his bow, but there was nothing that could be done. And Thorin had explicitly forbidden it. 

He and Fili might be ones for mischief, but he would never break an express order from Thorin. He simply loved him too much to do that.

Hope blossomed in his chest as they rounded the corner, and he could see the cave that would lead them out of this cursed mountain and to the sunlight, where the goblins would not dare to follow. It was so close now, and the company ran onto a bridge that they cut to give them leverage, Thorin leading the way. The first half of their company leapt to safety when the bridge swung to the opposite platform, falling back with Kili, Fili and the others heading back towards the goblins, who quickly boarded the wooden slate as soon as they were able. Kili and Fili slashed at them as much as they were able as the bridge swung back again, allowing them to join their comrades. Kili could see the worry in Thorin's as he reached out to catch Fili as he jumped, and Kili quickly made to follow suit, the bridge not have much more to give before it would swing back towards the goblin hoard once more.

And then there was a sharp pain in his side, almost to his back, which Kili quickly grabbed at, holding where he must have been hit, but no time to look down and assess the damage he'd taken. He could still move, and that was good enough for him as he leapt in time with Bifur over to the rest of the company, the other dwarf cutting the ropes of the bridge as he jumped and casting a number of goblins down into the dark abyss below. 

Fili and Thorin caught him heavily, pulling him up as he landed and supporting him so he did not fall back down to his demise, as Bofur and Bombur did for their cousin to his side. Fili squeezed his shoulders, whilst Thorin gave him a firm nod, before they followed Gandalf towards the exit, freedom finally within their reach. Quickly, Kili reached to his back, fingers exploring clumsily to find out what had cause his pain, only to discover the short shaft of a goblin bolt, likely from one of the crossbows he'd seen one or two lumbering around with, not a common weapon to be sure, but there had been some nonetheless. The bolt was fairly short, and adrenaline had numbed the pain to nothing more than a small ache, it would do more harm than good to remove it now, and so Kili let it be, it could be dealt with once they were out of this forsaken hole. 

And then, just when escape had been so close, the Goblin King came crashing up through the floorboards, tall, ugly and imposing, laughing down at Gandalf as he and his brethren closed off the only chance they had at freedom. Right up until Gandalf killed the foul creature, with nothing more than two swipes of his sword. 

“That'll do it.” The Goblin King said, with shock and something Kili couldn't quite place, something that came awfully close to respect. For a goblin, at any rate. 

Of course, that would be when the floor fell from beneath their feet, sending them skidding down into the ravine below. Kili held on for dear life, trying to seek out Thorin and Fili amongst the chaos, before impacting hard with the floor. Everything seemed fine for a brief moment, until a large section of the wooden flooring landed on top of him.

“Well, that could have been worse.” Bofur quipped, so joyfully normal even after everything that Kili wasn't sure if he wanted to punch him or hug him tightly.

It was definitely punch when the remark was followed by the corpse of the Goblin King falling on top of the broken platforms they were entangled in, winding him and pushing him further onto the bolt that was still embedded in his back. He could feel it dig deeper, and knew he had to move whilst there was still some of the bolt remaining outside of his body. If it completely disappeared into the wound, he might actually be in some real trouble and he knew he couldn't bear it if the company was delayed by his injury.

Or worse, Thorin were to send him back to Ered Luin. 

He shifted, pulling his body free as much as he could, gasping and opening his eyes as he jolted the injury. 

Only to be greeting with a hoard of goblins, headed down to their landing place in a river of malice and vengence.

“Gandalf!” He called, twisting to try and see the wizard, noticing that Thorin was free of the debris, and Fili was making his way out.

“Quickly!” Gandalf rushed them “Only sunlight will save us now!” he gestured with his stick, starting off into the caves of the mountain. Kili twisted more, thanking Dwalin when he came to his aid, helping to pull him out from the ruins as Bombur and Gloin removed Bofur from his trappings to his right, and Ori popped up from underneath them all, dusty and pale, but otherwise none the worse for wear.

They hurried after Gandalf, who apparently knew exactly where he was going. Kili's side ached something furious, but the desire to live far outweighed the pain and he forced his legs to go faster, running through the stony corridors. 

Suddenly, sunlight was visible and Kili could have sobbed with relief, dashing out into the open and catching up to his brother with a mighty grin upon his face, burying his face in Fili's shoulder as he brother hugged him tightly for a brief moment as they came to a standstill in a small clearing in the trees, thankfully a fair distance from the cave and any goblins who might still want to kill them. He passed a hand over his side briefly. The nub of the bolt was still there, ready to be removed properly and he breathed a shaky sigh of relief, one that was quickly snatched from him when the subject turned to their missing hobbit, and he realised he had not seen him since they had fallen into that nightmare.

He was given his relief once more when Bilbo reappeared, validating himself upon the quest. Kili watched with interest as the hobbit spoke, and he was certain even Thorin was coming to respect the hobbit for his loyalty to the troupe, even if he wasn't much of a fighter.

Then the unmistakable sound of a warg roaring broke through the relief that was the return of Bilbo Baggins. Kili wasn't sure his heart could take much more of this constant cycle of fear and relief. He couldn't imagine how it was for the older dwarves, or indeed poor little Bilbo. 

Gandalf instructed them to flee once more, taking off into the trees, and the company followed suit. Kili passed his hand over the wound, looking at it with a frown before he too followed them in their escape. He wasn't that eager of having the bolt left in his body for much longer, he was no fool and he knew it was going to need treating sooner rather than later, especially with the state that the goblins kept their weapons in. Blood poisoning from a tiny bolt would be a rather poor demise in his opinion. 

However, for now it was causing him no more than an ache and, if he was honest,a slight headache. They would escape, and then he would go to Fili for aid. There was no need to inform him yet, it would only worry him more, and their immediate predicament was far more concerning. He'd come this far, it couldn't possibly do much more harm just to leave it a while longer. Then, when they had reached safety, he could deal with it properly. 

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The dwarves escape from Azog and the wargs had been an incredibly close call, and Kili had all but forgotten of his own injury in his concern for his uncle, who was being carried in the claws of an eagle far ahead. Fili called out their uncles name in the hope it might rouse him, but to no avail. The eagle bore them far from the sight of Azog, coming to rest atop a mountain where Thorin and Gandalf were the first to land, the wizard rushing to the King's side. Fili and Kili followed not long after. Kili tried to rush forward to Thorin's side, but Fili gripped his arms, restraining him.

“Thorin.” Kili said quietly, desperation lacing his voice. Fili said nothing more, but his face was ashen as he pulled his younger brother to him in a half-hug, both of them never taking their eyes off of their uncle for a moment. 

There was a tense moment when Thorin made no movement at all, no response to Gandalf's voice, and Kili made a choked noise in his throat, unable to bring forth any words, and then, with a pass of Gandalf's hand over his eyes, Thorin awoke, taking a deep breath of air no longer marred by smoke and fire.

Kili was certain it was only Fili's grip upon him that prevented him from falling to his knees in relief, tears forming at the corners of his eyes in his happiness. A glance to his brother confirmed much the same reaction, the colour starting to return to the older dwarves cheeks as he smiled, the tension falling from his shoulders. 

Kili's side began to ache.

Wincing, he watched as his uncle chastising the hobbit for his foolhardiness, and couldn't help but feel for Bilbo, knowing what it was to be on the end of Thorin's wrath. He knew the elder dwarf always meant well though, and he was proved right when Thorin suddenly broke into a grin.

“I have never been more wrong.” Thorin declared, before wrapping Bilbo in a hug. Bilbo, for his part, looked surprised, but hesitantly pleased.

The dwarves around them grinned and cheered, and Kili joined them. He thought he heard Fili mutter something at his side, but when he looked, Fili was just as overjoyed as the other, so he must have imagined it.

His side throbbed and he moved a hand to cover it. He would speak to Fili, or Oin soon. Now was not the time. 

They could finally see the Lonely Mountain ahead of them, Erebor in full view for the first time in Kili, Fili and Ori's lives, and the first time in a long while for the dwarves that joined them. 

“That's our home, Kili.” Fili said, taking his brothers hand and grinning. Kili returned the smile and squeezed his hand, before ripping it away suddenly to grasp at his side as pain tore up the entire right side of his body.

He dropped to his knees, vaguely aware of Fili joining him at his side, but unable to focus on what his brother was saying as he gritted his teeth against the pain, which had started to fade. Slowly, everything came back into focus.

“Kili!” Fili was saying, kneeling at his side with his hands raised, but obviously unsure what to do. The colour had drained from his face once more, and Kili felt awful for having been the cause. 

“Kili, what is it?” A more sombre voice asked, and he turned to realise Thorin was knelt at his left, having not even seen the elder dwarf move to his side.  
“Injury, from Goblintown. A bolt to my side.” Kili said, moving to stand, not wishing to delay them further. Thorin and Fili's hands on his shoulders kept him firmly on the ground.

“Why didn't you say anything?” Thorin hissed, taking hold of Kili's hands and prising them away slowly to see the wound. Looking down, Kili could see that it had began to bleed more profusely. He was no healer, but he knew that wasn't a good sign. The pain had almost faded entirely again though, to nothing more than a dull ache. The tip of the bolt could still be seen sticking out of his side, even through his coat.

“There has been no opportunity to deal with it until now.” Kili replied, as he was manhandled out of his coat. Oin was now in front of him, looking through what medical supplied had survived their escape from Goblintown. “I was about to inform Fili and Oin, now that we are clear of the danger.” 

He turned to look up at Thorin, who had his piercing gaze fixed entirely on Kili. Kili shuddered slightly, not entirely from the pain in his side.

“I had to know that you were alright first.” He said, gripping Thorin's hand, which still held his own.

“Stupid, stupid boy.” Thorin grumbled. Kili could see Dwalin lingering in his peripheral vision, and behind Fili, a nervous looking Bilbo with an even more nervous Ori.

“You know better than this, Kili.” Fili chastised, slipping into what Kili recognised as 'Older brother mode', usually employed when Fili thought he knew better than Kili in something, but also used when he was incredibly worried. Kili wasn't sure what it was this time.

“Honestly, I've had an arrow in me before, in my leg remember? I can barely feel it, and besides, I had every intention of letting someone know once we were to safety. I'm no fool.” Kili felt somewhat annoyed by their words. It was not good that he'd left it so long, but it was not as if he was unaware of the repercussions and he would have never have done so if there had been ample opportunity to correct it. He'd rather it'd not happened at all if it was avoidable.

Oin frowned, brushing his fingers lightly against Kili's blood soaked tunic.

“You can barely feel it, you say?” He asked, gently pulling the wet fabric away from the younger dwarves skin.

“It throbs a little, and obviously if I push upon it, but other than just now it has not caused me any serious affliction until this moment that just passed.” Kili explained, wishing that they would get on with it and let him up. He glanced to Thorin, who could not possibly be happy about the delay. 

He was surprised to see Thorin frowning, concern in his eyes as he looked at Kili's wound. He had yet to let go of Kili's hand, but Kili was not going to be the first to break the grip, enjoying it whilst he was able. Fili still had a hand upon his shoulder, and was looming in a way that was making Kili quite uneasy.

“Are you able to remove your shirt?” Oin asked. Kili nodded.

“Can't see why not.” Kili would have shrugged, but the hands on his shoulders prevented him from doing so. He moved to remove his tunic, Fili and Thorin pulling away from him, and Thorin freed his hand, much to Kili's disappointment.

The wound twinged as he stretched his arms above his head, Fili aiding in the removal of his shirt. It was a most peculiar thing to be undressing on a mountain top, and it struck Kili as rather amusing. He smiled to himself as he pulled the shirt over his head, prompting a confused look from Fili as his head reappeared, which quickly transfigured into horror, Fili's eyes widening almost comically so. There was a deep intake of breath from Thorin, and Kili looked down to his side.

The wound was rather more dire in appearance than he would have imagined, especially considering how little it had bothered him in comparison. It reminded him much of the bruise that had covered most of Fili's thigh and some of his backside when he'd fallen from his pony when they were first learning to ride, except that the entry point of the bolt was a lot darker around the edges, black lines stretching out a little and fading as they moved up, not unlike his veins in their appearance. Blood still oozed from the wound, dark in hue, though significantly lessened from when he had first been hit. It made him feel a little faint, and he closed his eyes and swallowed before he spoke.

“Oh.” was all he managed. Oin's frown had deepened.

“It's got to come out.” he muttered, opening a cloth to reveal a pair of forceps and one or two scalpels. “I'm lacking in equipment, but I should have enough to do this until we can find somewhere more suitable to treat you further.” 

“Do you suspect...?” Fili trailed off, eyeing Kili and taking his hand in his own. Kili squeezing it tightly, suddenly scared. Bilbo still hovered, looking rather nauseous, though Ori's place had been replaced by Bofur, who looked unbearably sad. 

“This will probably hurt, but I will do my best to make it as quick as possible.” Oin explained, moving to grip the end of the bolt with the forceps. Thorin slipping an arm under Kili's left, taking his hand once more, wrapping it in both of his own. Someone also gripped his shoulders from behind, he suspected Dwalin.

“Really, so much support?” He laughed, shakily. “This feels like overkill, honestly.” 

No one replied, and Thorin grimaced next to him, just squeezing Kili's hand tightly.

“Alright, Kili. Bear through it, and we'll see you right in no time.” Oin said, eyes focused on the end of the bolt he was gripping. “These goblin bolts are short, so with any luck it is not too deep.”

Oin then gripped his forceps tightly and pulled.

The shifting of the bolt felt as though Oin were trying to remove Kili's very heart itself, and he let out an almighty scream that echoed around the valley. The last thing he saw was the panicked faces of Thorin and Fili before everything turned black.

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Thorin had been certain that his heart stopped for a moment when Kili screamed, his eyes rolling up and closing before he fell to the side, Thorin catching him and pulling him to him, with Dwalin and Fili not far behind. Fili's face was devastating to look at, tears forming at the corners of his eldest nephews eyes, and Thorin reached one hand out to cup Fili's face briefly before moving Kili to lean against him more solidly. 

The wound, now free of the bolt that had been embedded within it had begun to ooze, mostly blood, but there was a strange black liquid intermingled with the red and Dwalin took a sharp intake of breath. Gandalf had stepped forward to kneel next to the fallen dwarf too, having been strangely silent the whole time. His wide-brimmed hat covered almost the entirety of his face, and Thorin was privately relieved. He did not wish to see the wizard's expression. 

“Poisoned.” He said, quiet but clear. Oin nodded sadly, observing the bolt within his forceps. 

“I suspected as much.” He replied, placing the tool down and moving to get what cloth he could to press to the liquid dripping from Kili's side. He was deathly pale, and Fili stifled a cry as Oin pressed the cloth to his brothers side. Thorin placed his hand over the material.

“I have it.” He murmured, still keeping Kili close to him with one arm around his chest. Oin nodded and moved away.

“Goblin poison is never particularly potent, and the bolt was short as I suspected. However, it has been buried almost entirely in the body, and I need to treat and sew the wound properly, lest infection sets in.” He looked around at their surrounding hopelessly before turning back to Gandalf. “I need more supplies, Gandalf. I cannot do this here.” 

It did not need to be said out loud that the alternative would likely result in Kili's demise.

Gandalf frowned for a moment. 

“A woodsman I know of, Beorn, lived not far from here when I knew him. He would be our best chance for Kili.” Gandalf rose “We must be hasty.”

Oin turned to the rest of the company, who were watching the exchange in various states of shock and dismay.

“Bombur, I need you to find me some solanum, and quickly. Take Bofur with you and return with as much haste as you can muster.”

“B-but isn't solanum also poisonous?” Ori stammered, looking at Kili with concern.

“If too much is administered, yes, but used correctly it can stave off this kind of poisoning, even cause it to recede. The goblins are nasty, but they are not very clever and their poisons are simple at best. Still, it is not worth the risk of leaving, so hurry back to us. We will start to move down from this place whilst you do so.” 

“How shall we know what it looks like?” Bofur asked quietly. “I may be able to make a stew, but I am no herbalist.” 

“I know it. It is common in the shire.” Bilbo piped up nervously, looking to Oin as though for permission. Oin smiled.

“Take our little hobbit with you then, he will be able to tell you what to look for.”

Bombur and Bofur nodded at Oin and hurried off without a word, disappearing down the mountainside with Bilbo at their side.

“We must leave now.” Gandalf said, standing near the path that would lead them down. “I shall lead the way.” 

Thorin nodded, looking down at Kili in his arms. 

“Fili, come here and support your brother a moment.” 

Fili moved around to take Thorin's place without a word as Thorin moved away, removing his coat as he did so, and proceeding to wrap it around Kili to keep him covered and warm, before hefting his younger nephew into his arms. Kili's head rested on his shoulder, completely limp and his hair felt soft against Thorin's cheek where it brushed him.

“Let us move quickly and find this Beorn before things get any worse.” Dwalin grunted as he got to his feet, leading the way over to Gandalf. 

Neither Thorin or Fili said a word, simply following the company down the mountainside. Fili came down behind Thorin, and he could feel the intensity of his nephews stare the whole time. He understood that Fili was concerned, but there was something else, something accusatory there, and it burned on Thorin's neck like it were the sun itself. 

He ignored it though, his concern for Kili overwhelming any other emotion he might have as he moved down the mountainside, the younger dwarf in his arms pale and still the entire time, looking entirely too small swathed in Thorin's fur-lined coat. 

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Fili sat outside of Beorn's home, smoking his pipe and staring at the thick trees that surrounded them, his mind vacant, for it was better than letting it linger on his ailing younger brother, who at that moment was still far from well.

The journey to Beorn's home had been arduous, a strain on them all but Fili could barely recall any of it, his only clear memory being that of entering to find Thorin laying Kili down by the warm fire, and Oin, who had entered with Fili rushing over to begin what he deemed proper treatment of the young dwarfs wound. Beorn had provided what aids and salves that he could, and then after preparing them a meal that was ate in near silence, disappeared into the woods as a great bear, leaving the house to the mercy of Gandalf, Bilbo and the dwarves. Fili had not moved from his vigil on the doorstep since he'd watched the bear lumber off. 

Gandalf had joined him briefly, but the wizards words had been few, and he'd quickly left again to offer what aid he could to Oin. He had, however, told Fili that a lot of it was up to Kili now. They had done all they can.

“He is strong of heart.” Gandalf had said to him, and then with a small smile. “and stubborn of mind. It is my belief that he shall pull through.” 

Even Fili had let out a small laugh at that, heavy though his thoughts were.

“Yes, I do not doubt that my brother would have the nerve to smile in the face of Death and tell him 'not today'.” 

Gandalf placed a hand on his shoulder, smiled his sad smile and returned to the house. Fili had been left largely alone since then. Bilbo and Bofur had sat with him a while, but the hour was late and they had both gone to sleep, taking advantage of a roof over their heads and a distinct lack of goblins and orcs trying to hunt them down. Fili had considered joining them, but eventually decided against it, realising sleep would not come to him that night.

It did not come to Thorin either. 

The fire crackled next to Thorin as he sat at Kili's side, and he felt a strange urge to snuff it out, to punish it for being so merry. He knew that Kili had to be kept warm though, despite the sweat that formed on his brow, and he quelled the ridiculous urge, taking up the cloth that Oin had left to wipe at Kili's forehead, sighing at the boy who frowned but still did not wake.

Oin had done what he was able, treating the poison with salves from Beorn, and cleaning and sewing the wound properly. Thorin and Fili had been at his side the entire time, both gripping Kili's hands even though he were not awake to need the support. Gandalf had kept a constant watch during the process, offering aid and advice where he could, and finally the deed was done. 

“I have done as much as any could do.” Oin had said, leaning back. “I have treated the poison, but fever has gripped him, and there is infection in the wound, which will do more harm than any poison. He sweats though, so he is fighting it. I will check on him in the morning, and there should be someone with him during the night in case things change.” he sighed, and began to pack away what little medical supplies he had left.

“I will sit with him.” Thorin said, placing Kili's hand down at last. Fili had stared at him, and Thorin half expected him to protest, to insist he stay at his brothers side, but he remained silent, simple brushing some of the sweat-soaked hair out of Kili's eyes with immeasurable grief upon his face.

He had taken his leave to sit outside not long after that, and Thorin had settled by the fire, and there they had remained, long after Gandalf, Bilbo and the others had retired to bed.

It was approaching two past the hour of midnight when Fili finally re-entered the house, closing the wooden door quietly behind him and moving to sit near Kili's feet.

“How is he?” He asked quietly, looking to Thorin, who was staring at the fire like it had caused him a personal offence.

Thorin remained silent for some time, so much so that Fili began to wonder if his uncle had heard him at all. 

“There has been no change.” He finally replied, causing Fili to start when his deep voice broke over the hum of the fire. Fili nodded and sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I can't believe this happened.” he murmured, more to himself than Thorin. 

“He knew the risks.” Thorin replied, brushing a stray lock of hair out of Kili's eyes. Kili mumbled something unintelligible, but did not wake. “We all did.” 

“I know that.” Fili barely stopped himself from snapping, but he knew it would do no good. “It's just, it's one thing to know and other to see.”

Thorin nodded, looking to Fili.

“Your brother is strong. He will fight this and he will win.” He said, conviction in his voice. 

“Gandalf said something much the same.” Fili replied. Thorin simply grunted in reply, and Fili assumed that the conversation was over for that night, and he settled down to watch Kili.

He'd nearly fallen into a doze, much to his own surprise when Thorin spoke again.

“Before, you said that he needs me. That you do not love me as he does. What did you mean by that?” He asked. Fili looked to him, but Thorin's eyes were firmly on Kili, purposely not looking over at his eldest nephew. Fili thought for a moment, before taking a deep breath.

“If you do not know that yourself, Thorin, then it is not my place to tell you.” He replied, then looked to his brother and smiled slightly. “You can ask him when he wakes. He will tell you, he can refuse you nothing, you know.” 

Thorin nodded, the shadows cast by the fire hiding his expression from Fili.

“When he wakes.” He said softly. The room fell silent once more, and neither spoke again until morning came.

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Two days had passed, and Kili had yet to wake, though Oin was certain that he was healing, albeit slowly. It could have been his concern, but he didn't look any better to Fili, who'd been at his side enough that he'd think he'd see any distinct changes. 

The entire company had been particularly sombre during their stay, feasting quietly and discussing an affairs in hushed voices. It was general consensus that the quest was on a brief hiatus, as none dared to ask Thorin what would happen just yet. Thorin himself had yet to say more than two words to anybody following his discussion with Fili the night they had arrived at the home of Beorn. Fili had thought of speaking with him, just to see if it could ease both their woes, but each time he opened his mouth, he found he had nothing to say, and would turn away before Thorin realised that he'd even been going to attempt to breach the silence.

He was sat outside of Beorn's home once more, smoking his pipe and gazing to the forest where their gracious host had disappeared into once more for the night. It was quickly becoming one of his favourite places. For all his concern for Kili, sitting on Beorn's porch with a pipe and the sound of the owls was oddly comforting. Thorin had sat with him for a while, but still remained silent, and had disappeared around an hour before, simply grunting out “For a walk.” when Fili enquired as to where he was going.

“It must be nice, just being able to wander off into the forest as you please.” Ori had appeared from seemingly nowhere, stood next to Fili and gazing out to the forest.

“I should think it's just quite handy being able to turn into a bear as you please. Better than any axe, I wager.” Fili replied after a moment. He could see Ori's feet fidgeting next to him and looked up to tell him to sit down, only to notice what he had in his hands.

“Ori, where did you get that?” Fili asked, voice low.

In Ori's hands was Kili's bow. It had gone to the floor with the rest of their weapons, and when he'd seen Kili next to him in Goblintown, his brother had had his sword. Fili had presumed the bow was long gone, and to see it within Ori's grasp here, with not a scratch to it was highly unexpected to say the least.

“I grabbed it for Kili in Goblin town.” Ori explained nervously, taking a seat next to Fili. Fili took the bow, laying it over his lap. “I meant to give it to him when he woke, but...” Ori trailed off, and shook his head. “Anyway, I felt I'd best give it to you for safekeeping now.” 

Fili ran his fingers over the wood of the bow. 

“If only he'd found it, this might never have happened. Not that he is completely incompetent with a blade, but he's just always been so good with the bow. He could have taken out that goblin before it even loaded the crossbow.” Fili sighed, placing his pipe down on the side.

“He must prefer the sword.” Ori offered. “I saw him reach for his bow, but then he changed his mind and took up his sword instead. I grabbed it before we ran from the platform, since I thought he'd miss it even so.” 

Fili frowned, turning to the other dwarf. “Are you absolutely certain that he first reached for his bow?” 

Ori nodded, a nervous look on his face. “Yes?” he replied, making it sound like a question rather than a statement. Fili stood, keeping the bow in hand.

“Excuse me, Ori. I must speak with my uncle, but thank you for coming to me with this.” Fili said the words through gritted teeth, and Ori looked away from him, wringing his hands.

“It was no trouble.” Ori squeaked, but Fili had already stalked away to find Thorin.

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Thorin had little desire to see or speak with any of his company, and he doubted that would change until Kili awoke. He had been reluctant to leave his side at all, but Gandalf had rather forcibly suggested that he leave the house, lest he drive himself insane with worry and grief. However, as he traversed the woods, he couldn't help but feel it was having the opposite effect being outside. The further he ventured from the house, the more anxious he became, until finally he entered a clearing and turned straight back around, intended to return straight to Kili's side.

Only to find Fili's blocking his path. His eyes drifted down, and he saw that the younger dwarf was holding Kili's bow in his hand.

“I thought that was lost.” he said, surprising himself by speaking the first words.

“As did I.” Fili replied coldly. “What did you do?”

Thorin narrowed his eyes at him. “What do you want, Fili?”

“What did you do?” Fili repeated through gritted teeth. “Ori told me, in Goblintown, Kili reached for his bow, then pulled back and took up his sword instead. He knows that he is far better with a bow than a blade, and that was no play fight. Kili isn't stupid, he would only do this for one reason, so I'm going to ask you again. What did you do?”

Fili's gaze was icy, but the one with which Thorin returned it was pure steel. 

“Perhaps he's finally decided to be a dwarf.” He replied, hating himself even as the words left his mouth. What was said was said, though, and Thorin was not about to eat his words. He'd been doing enough of that lately. 

Fili disagreed. 

He punched the tree next to him, shaking in anger. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, and face Thorin once more. 

“That's a lie and you know it!” He yelled. The bow was still firmly in his hands. “You told him to stop using his bow, didn't you? I'm not stupid, Uncle! And you know, you know that he will do anything you ask of him! He doesn't care if it hurts him, if you tell him what to do or what not to do, he'll obey without a second thought. He's never been any different, even when we were children. As soon as Thorin calls, Kili comes running!” 

He looked at the bow in his hands, pausing in his tirade.

“You forbid him to use it, didn't you?” Fili said quietly, and somehow that was so much worse than the yells. Thorin kept his eyes on him however not wavering for an instant. 

“It was about time he was a proper dwarf. I tolerated this foolishness when he was young, but he needs to grow up now, stop this playing with bows and take up his blade like a true dwarf!” Thorin growled back. Fili let out a snort.

“Only you have ever seen Kili's archery as foolishness!” Fili said, exasperated. “For all your high and mighty persona, all you care about is how others might see you! None of the company care that Kili uses a bow, they even praise him at times. They joke at times, but that is all it is! Jest! They do it to Ori, they do it to me! Even Dwalin has admired Kili's skills with his bow, and you know damn well what Dwalin is like! How is it that he can accept Kili for what he is, but you cannot?” 

Fili took a deep breath, running hand over his eyes. 

“I saw you, you know.” He said. Thorin frowned, opening his mouth to ask what Fili meant, but Fili held up a hand to stop him talking, and to his own shock, Thorin complied. “In Rivendell, watching us with Elladan and Elrohir. They thought he was brilliant, you know. Absolutely fantastic, praised his technique and couldn't believe he was almost entirely self-taught. They admired him, Thorin. Elves admiring dwarves, which we thought beyond belief. He was so proud.” Fili smiled down at the bow for a moment. “They knew you were there too, I could tell. They also knew those other two were there, Sudan or whatever they were called. Told me to ignore them, that they wallow in petty jealousies that have no place in their world today. Doesn't that sound familiar?” 

Fili practically spat his words at Thorin, and the elder dwarf imagined he could almost feel the venom, the words burning his skin with every accusation. However, it seemed that Fili's well of anger had finally ran dry and his eldest nephew almost visibly deflated before his eyes.

“You don't deserve him. At all.” Fili said, so quietly that Thorin almost missed it completely. “But that's not my decision to make. It's his.” He threw the bow to Thorin's feet, where it landed in the grass with a soft thud. 

“How dare you talk to..” Thorin began, but Fili cut him off.

“How dare I indeed. You are my uncle, my leader and my King, Thorin, and I will follow you to the ends of the world if need be, but he is my brother, and he will always be my greatest priority.” Fili met his eyes. “Think on this, on your words and your actions, and make your peace. Because I promise you, if he dies from this, I will never forgive you.” 

With that, Fili left the clearing, with not a single glance back to his uncle. Perhaps if he had, he would have seen the stricken look on the older dwarves face as he knelt and ran his fingers gingerly over the wooden bow. Might have seen the single tear that ran from Thorin's eyes as he picked up the weapon and clutched it close to his chest as he settled beneath a large tree, sighing as he placed his free hand over his eyes, which suddenly felt unbearably heavy.

He did not return to Beorn's house until long after the sun had set.

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Thorin could hear Dwalin's voice a good few metres before he reached the door to Beorn's home, as was usual with the brash dwarf. However, he wasn't sure he'd heard the other so distraught since they had attempted to reclaim Moira, and there had been a tense moment in which Balin could not be found among the remaining dwarves. Thorin had never heard Dwalin so again in his lifetime, but the tone through the door was definitely not jovial. 

“...didn't the lad use his bow?” Dwalin was discussing Kili, there was no doubt about it “It's always been his greater strength, the little idiot.” 

“People do strange things when they panic. Kili probably felt better with steel in hand.” Gloin said in response. Thorin slowed as he approached, not wishing to walk in on this particular conversation just yet. “I know that I do.” 

There were general noises of agreement between the dwarves that were present, as would be expected. 

“It doesn't really matter with the whys and wherefores now, we can just hope the poor boy will be alright.” Bofur replied solemnly. Thorin was willing to place bets that the dwarf finished his sentence by placing his pipe in his mouth.

The conversation trailed off, and Thorin decided it was a good time to make his entrance, pushing the door to the shack open with Kili's bow gripped firmly in his hand. Dwalin nodded to him as he entered, as did Balin. Bilbo looked up nervously from his position next to Ori, but said nothing. Gandalf was nowhere to be seen.

“Thorin.” Oin said, standing to greet their leader. “Kili is still stable for now, but he has yet to wake. Fili is sat with him.” 

“Thank you, Oin.” Thorin replied, stalking across the room to the door that led to where Kili lay. He thought about asking when Kili would awaken, but wasn't sure he would like the answer, and kept it to himself. He placed a hand on the door, preparing to enter the room.

“You should all take advantage of Beorn's hospitality, and the roof over our heads” He said, gruffly, not turning to face the company. “It might be sometime before we see such kindness again.” With that he pushed the door open and left the company behind them.

Wisely, none of them chose to mention Kili's bow in his hands.

Fili looked up from his vigil at Kili's bedside when Thorin entered the room, glaring when he realised whom had disturbed them. Thorin held up his hand and bowed his head slightly.

“I want no quarrel with you, Fili.” He spoke softly, approaching the pair slowly.

“You shall have none from me.” the younger dwarf replied stonily, turning away from his uncle, quite clearly not intending to speak with him at all.

“Fili...” The temptation to shout at his defiant eldest nephew rose up strongly, but Thorin was no fool, and knew harsh words would only create more problems between them.

He was also realising just how very wrong he had been.

He sat down on the opposite side of Fili, next to Kili and placed the bow on the floor not far from himself. The light of the fire flickered over Kili's skin, sharpening the angles of his face and highlighting just how handsome the young dwarf really was. With his eyes closed, he might have just been asleep, were it not for the deathly white pallor of his skin. 

Thorin did not realise quite how long he'd been staring at Kili's prone form until he looked up to find Fili watching him, gaze still angry, but also pensive and possible, under it all, hopeful. 

“Have you thought on my words?” Fili asked, startling Thorin by speaking first, his icy tone having dropped slightly, though his words remained stern. 

“I have.” Thorin replied after a few moments, eyes dropping back to Kili. Fili knew better than to push further, he'd already gone further than he would have ever dared with Thorin before the quest began. He didn't regret his words for a moment, though.

They sat in silence for around a half-hour longer, during which the only sound was the crackle of the fire behind Kili's head, until finally Fili broke the quiet with a yawn he was unable to suppress, though he tried as hard as he could. 

“You need sleep.” Thorin stated, quietly. “You have not truly slept since we came here. You help Kili none by exhausting yourself.” 

“You have not slept either.” Fili retorted, but stood all the same, stretching the ache out of his joints. 

He hovered in place though, nervously rubbing his index fingers against his thumbs.

“Rest, Fili.” Thorin ordered “I will take care of him.” 

Fili opened his mouth to say something, but apparently decided against it. Thorin was more than certain he didn't want to know what Fili was going to say, and accepted it when the younger dwarf simply gave him a brisk nod before turning to walk to the door. Hestopped when he reached it, hand still on the door handle.

“I meant it, you know.” He said, his words so low they barely reached Thorin's ears. “If he dies, I will never forgive you.” He turned back to Thorin, and the older dwarf could see the honesty of his words in Fili's stare. He nodded back at him.

“I know.” He looked to Kili briefly before facing Fili once more, looking him straight in the eyes. “I wouldn't expect you to forgive me. I don't think I would be able to forgive myself.” 

Thorin's words surprised even himself, but he knew as they left his mouth they were true. Apparently so did Fili, as all the tension he'd been holding through their time together seemed to slide from his shoulders, the younger dwarf physically drooping in front of him. 

“You will tell me if he wakes?” Fili asked, pulling the door open slightly. Thorin made a noise of agreement.

“As soon as I am able.” 

Fili nodded, and pulled the door open, leaving the room, though Thorin could have sworn he heard him speak one last time.

“You could make him so happy.” 

Thorin sighed and turned back to his vigil, hoping with everything he had that Kili would awaken soon. 

He had so much that he needed to say.

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Kili opened his eyes slowly, feeling the sticky bite of sleep trying to keep them shut. It was hot, almost unbearably so, his hair sticking to his face from the sweat that had formed on his face. He must have fallen asleep by the fire again, seeing the dying embers out of the corner of his eye. He felt vaguely annoyed at Fili for not waking him and getting him to move to his room. Rubbing at his eyes, he rolled onto his side with the intention to move to his room and become more comfortable.

He gasped as pain shot down his side, forcing him onto his back once more and he clutched at his lower torso, which he discovered was wrapped in bandages. 

Ah, now he remembered. 

“Kili!” Thorin was by his side in an instant, having been woken from an uneasy sleep by Kili's gasp of pain.

Thorin brushed the hair out of Kili's face gently, placing a hand over Kili's on his torso with tremendous care. Kili was shocked to look into his eyes and see the worry and fear that lay there. He'd never seen his uncle look so scared. A selfish part of him wallowed in the face that fear was for him, and him alone. He quickly brushed it off, guilty for feeling so.

“Hello uncle.” He rasped, throat dry from disuse. “I am sorry. I appear to have held us up somewhat.” Kili chuckled, but Thorin did not join him, his frown only deepening further. 

“Please, Kili.” he said, softly “Please don't apologise.” 

Thorin sighed, running his fingers through Kili's hair. Kili looked at him, worry plain on his face. His uncles despondence always pained him, and he sought to dispel it was quickly as he was able. Wincing, he sat up, shaking slightly. Thorin's hands immediately came to support him, and though any other time he might have revelled in Thorin's touch, here it was a welcome aid, Kili unsure as to whether he'd be able to have made it up alone without significantly more pain. He'd closed his eyes and taken a deep breath once he was situated, opening them to find Thorin pressing a cup of water into his trembling hands. It was lukewarm and cloudy, and possibly the best thing he had ever tasted in that moment, his sore throat easing as the water hit it.

“What do you mean, Thorin?” He asked once he was feeling more himself, or as close as he was going to get in that moment. “I must have held up our journey to Erebor by a terrible amount, and for that I am truly sorry.” 

Thorin squeezed his eyes shut, wiping a hand over his face. The shadows of the fire danced over his face, highlighting the lines of his face and making him seem weary. Kili wished he would allow him to share in his burden, even rarely, if it would ease the sorrow he would see in his uncle's face.

“You have nothing to apologise for, Kili. It is I who should be making amends.” With that, Thorin leant behind him, reaching for something. Kili gasped when Thorin turned back around with his bow, a little worse for wear, but intact and ready to use. Thorin pressed it into his hands, placing his hand over Kili's as he gingerly took the weapon from the elder dwarf. 

“I thought this was lost beneath the mountain.” He murmured. Thorin's hand gripped his tighter. 

“I have been a fool, Kili.” Thorin stated, pulling Kili's hand from the bow and cupping it with both of his own. He was staring at their joined hands, not looking Kili in the eyes. “I believed that you brought shame on our line, when the shame was my own. You have always fought as a dwarf, a proud descendant of Durin and I am sorry that I ever made you doubt what you are.” Thorin took a deep breath, which he let out shakily. “If it were not for my grievous error, you would not be like this now, your life would not have been endangered. I just hope that one day you might be able to forgive me.” 

Kili did not respond for a long while, his still-cool hand trembling beneath Thorin's own, and finally the elder dwarf was forced to look up, though greatly afraid of what he might see.

Kili smiling was the last thing that he expected, and he frowned in confusion.

“Kili?” he asked, pressing his hand lightly. Kili just shook his head, and laughed.

“Not once have I blamed you for what happened to me, Thorin.” Kili replied softly, placing his free hand over the top of Thorins, still colder than Thorin was really happy with, but there was some colour returning to the young dwarf's cheeks. “I will admit, I was angry when you told me I was no longer permitted to use my bow, but I had hoped you might change your mind eventually.” He looked down at his wound. “Admittedly, I didn't think it would take this to do it, but I do not blame you for this, Thorin. At all. My bow was readily available in Goblintown, I could have disobeyed you and taken it up, but I chose my sword. All I've ever wanted is to make you proud.” Kili finished with a sad smile, moving his hand to tip Thorin's chin to look at him more clearly. “I do not blame you, Thorin.” he repeated. 

Thorin opened his mouth to speak, but sighed and closed it again, turning away from Kili, who's expressive eyes were hard to keep looking at. Kili did not blame him in the slightest, even when he should, and Thorin simply couldn't understand it.

“Fili blames you, doesn't he?” Kili said quietly. Thorin looked up, sharply. 

“How...” he started, but Kili interrupted him. He frowned. His nephews were interrupting him far more frequently as of late. They'd been becoming far more unruly lately.

Or perhaps it was just that they had grown up, and Thorin was just realising it.

“Fili worries. He hides it, but that's what he does. I don't know what he's said to you, but I'm sure he will make amends with you soon enough, whether he meant it or not.” Kili continued. “May I see him?”

Thorin looked to the door, just realising it must be the early hours of the morning. A glance behind the wooden slats that covered the windows revealed him to be correct, the wood surrounding them still dark and ominous. Fili couldn't have been sleeping more than four hours.

“I said I would wake him as soon as I was able, but if you can wait, I would prefer to let him sleep a while longer.” Thorin explained. “Tonight is the first night he has even attempted sleep since you slipped from us.” 

Kili nodded, his smile replaced by a worried frown. “Well, I am awake now, and though my wound hurts, it must be healing. He doesn't need to worry any longer.” 

Thorin nodded, looking up to realise just how close he and Kili were, their hands still joined between them. He could see the long lashes that surrounded Kili's eyes, and wondered just how he'd missed how beautiful Kili's eyes truly were. His face was still incredibly pale, and it occurred to Thorin that he had not eaten in some time. 

“We should find you something to eat.” He said, pulling his hand from Kili's gently. “I shall see if I can procure some broth for you.” He made to move, but Kili grabbed his hand back, forcing him to stay.

“You do not have to worry either, Thorin.” he said earnestly, and it amused Thorin to see how little his near-death experience had changed him. “I can see you have not been sleeping either, it's plain as day. I am awake now, and I will get better, this was not your doing. If you must blame anyone, blame the goblin that shot me in the side.” 

“Kili...” Thorin started, sighing once more. Kili's view of the world was astonishingly simple at times, and for all that Thorin could despair of him at times, he had to admit that he was envious of Kili's world, where things just seemed to make sense. He rubbed his thumb of the back of Kili's hand.

“It's not always that simple, Kili.” He said, gently. “But I appreciate what you are trying to do.” 

“And I will keep trying, until you believe me that this was not your doing.” Kili looked down at their hands. “I love you, Thorin.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, before finally Thorin pulled away, standing to leave the room. Kili watched after him, and had Thorin looked back, he might have seen the disappointment in his face

“I'll go and see if I can find you some food, and if Fili is willing to wake.” He said, before making his way out of the room and to where the rest of the company slept. There was a pot of broth that Bofur had prepared earlier in the night,lukewarm but good for a stomach that was entirely empty. 

However, he couldn't help but feel as he dished the food out into a bowl that he had just missed an important opportunity. 

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Waking Fili had been an easy task, the blonde dwarf jolting from his light slumber as soon as Thorin lay a hand on his shoulder. He shot up in his bedroll, looking to the bowl of broth Thorin held in his hand.

“Is he...?” He asked quietly, wary of the other sleeping dwarves, and Thorin smiled at him.

“Kili woke not long ago. He asked for you, though I felt it best to let you sleep a little longer.” He held the bowl out to Fili. “Did you want to take this to him? He'll be wanting it, I'm sure.” 

Fili observed him for a few moments, apparently evaluating something, before placing his hand on Thorin's arm.

“No, you bring it.” He smiled, and with that he stood from his bedroll, moving to the other room without another word. Thorin looked after retreating dwarf, deciding to wait and give the brothers a few moments alone before he followed. Fili might not have completely forgiven him yet, if he ever did, but it felt like things were going to be alright between them from now on. 

Somehow, it did less to assuage his guilt than he thought it would. 

Sighing, he eventually made his way into the room, finding Fili embracing his brother tightly, though taking great care not to touch his injured side. Kili saw Thorin over his brothers shoulder as he entered and smiled, the grin widening when he saw the food that the elder dwarf brought with him, eagerly taking it from Thorin's hands after Fili moved away, though sitting right at his side as though Kili might disappear at any given moment. 

“Don't eat it too quickly.” Thorin warned as he settled on Kili's other side, pushing a lock of Kili's loose hair back so as to prevent it dipping into the bowl of broth. Fili watched curiously as he did this, but said nothing. 

Kili was full of questions as he ate, questions that Fili and Thorin happily answers, ranging from the expected (who's house is this, anyway?) to the awkward (So you like Bilbo now then, uncle?). Fili snorted as Thorin scowled and looked away when Kili asked that one, eyes bright and inquistive as he waited for his answer, spoon poised half way to his mouth.

“Bilbo is a member of the company. I respect him as I would any other.” Thorin replied, eyes narrowing. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate Bilbo saving his life, quite the opposite. The little hobbit had more than proved himself in Thorin's eyes. However, that didn't mean Thorin was about to walk around praising the hobbit daily from that moment on. He was still a member of the company, and Thorin expected him to continue to pull his weight like any of the others. 

Most of the others, he thought, looking at Kili. Though the young dwarf was awake, it seemed unlikely he would be doing anything other than resting for at least a week minimum. 

Gradually, Kili slowed his questioning, and his eating though he'd only barely gotten through half of his broth. He yawned, placing the bowl down behind him, near the fire.

“I guess I wasn't as hungry as I thought.” he said, through another yawn. 

“You should sleep, Kili.” Fili said, poking his brother gently in the arm. “Your body is still recovering, and we do not have to go anywhere just yet. Beorn has opened his home to us for as long as is required.”

Kili's eyes were dropping, and Thorin was suddenly concerned that he might pass out. He was shocked though when Kili swung his legs sideways, and immediately lay down with his head on Thorin's thigh, eyes already drifting shut. He sat rigidly for some moments, but it seemed that Kili had settled, and had no intention of moving. It wasn't the first time Kili had fallen asleep on him, and he doubted it would be the last, but he had not been expecting it. Gingerly, he placed his hand on Kili's head, running his fingers through the strands of hair. Kili made a noise of contentment, and Fili leaned over to pull Kili's blanket further over him. Kili grabbed his hand as he did so, stopping Fili in his tracks.

“S'not his fault.” Kili mumbled, half-asleep and barely intelligible. “Apologised anyway, but s'not his fault, Fi. Not yours, either.” 

With that, his hand slid from Fili's and Kili fell into a deep sleep, breathing heavily as Thorin continued to run his hands through the younger dwarfs hair, pointedly not looking at Fili, who slid back to his spot on the floor. Even if he had looked up, he would have found that Fili was unable to look at him anyway.

There was no tension between them, though they did not speak after Kili had fallen asleep, and the next time Thorin looked over, Fili had also fallen back asleep, head pillowed on his arms. Thorin looked at him for a long while. He'd known that Fili was hurting, worried for his brother, but he hadn't stopped for a moment to think just how much, especially when Fili had confronted him. There was no denying that blame fell on his head, and he still wasn't sure he was going to be able to forgive himself, even with Kili's recovery, but he hadn't considered that Fili might blame himself. It was only natural, as the elder brother. Only Dis really knew the true extent to which Thorin had grieved after Frerin fell. His brother's death had hit him hard, the idea that he had been unable to protect his younger brother consuming him. 

Although Kili had survived, Thorin could understand all too well how Fili must have been feeling, now that he truly stopped to think on it. He found he had no lasting resentment for Fili at all, he'd been concerned for his brother, and Thorin could find no fault in that.

He sighed and leant back against the near wall, his fingers still running soothingly through Kili's hair, comforting in its repetition despite Kili's hair being in dire need of a wash, even by Dwarfish standards.

He wasn't sure his forgiveness for himself would come so easy. 

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Kili's recovery was slow, as Thorin had anticipated, though he wasn't finding it as wearing as he had expected. His desires to reclaim Erebor had seemingly been tempered by his desire to see Kili in full healthy first. He watched from his position sitting on a fallen tree, smoking his pipe as Fili and Kili practiced their sparring, Kili finally able to hold his own against Fili for the first time in two weeks. It had taken him a week just to move from his bed, but once Kili was up there was apparently no stopping him, trying to get everyone to spar with him to hasten his recovery. 

It didn't do much good to explain that he might only impede his healing with his behaviour, but he seemed to get the message the second time he opened his stitches underneath his bandaging, the pain so intense the second time that he blacked out once more, putting Thorin and Fili into a panic until he woke a half-hour later, stitched up once more and looking rather sheepish. 

Thorin had been quite ready to chastise him for his stupid behaviour, loudly, until Kili turned his large eyes on him, already looking significantly humbled, and Thorin decided he'd learnt his lesson on his own, simply ruffling his hair affectionately. 

Fili was less forgiving, in a strange change of circumstances, punching his brother in the arm and berating him for being so foolish, his voice cracking as he told Kili how worried he was that he almost lost him. Thorin had subtly pulled Oin from the room at that, and left the brothers alone. He had a feeling that this particular situation would arise eventually, and he felt it was better to let Fili and Kili deal with it between themselves. He'd gone and sat with the other dwarves, Bilbo and Gandalf, who had once again reappeared, talking and eating with them properly for what felt like the first time in an age. There was an ease falling over him the longer they stayed in Beorn's home. 

He imagined that this was what life would be like once they reclaimed Erebor, only it would be permanent.  
In front of him, Fili went flying to the floor, one of his swords falling from his hand as he landed on his backside, already laughing before he hit the ground. 

“I yield, brother.” He said, dipping his head to Kili. “you have bested me!” 

Kili grinned and offered a hand to Fili, who took it graciously, allowing his brother to help him to his feet. Kili twisted and stretched out his aches, barely wincing as he strained his injured side.

“I believe we shall soon be ready to move on, uncle.” Fili called out, to which Thorin dipped his head.

“I was just thinking so.” He replied. “No more than three days, I would wager.” It was generous, Kili's recovery could have meant that they could leave the next day, the young dwarf now able to defend himself once more with barely a twinge, but Thorin thought he'd be kind on the company, this being the last friendly home they might find for miles. Bilbo had certainly been enjoying the comforts of a roof over his head, and the tall but quiet Beorn was friendly enough, although he'd kept to himself during most of their occupation. Of all of them actually, Thorin had the feeling Gandalf was the most eager to get moving once more, disappearing off at the strangest times, and seeming agitated when he returned. However, he'd not said a word on the subject, so Thorin supposed it might just be his interpretation .

“I am going to see if Bofur and Bombur had decided to provide us with any lunch.” Fili said, retrieving his fallen sword. “Are you coming, Kili?”

Kili shook his head, moving over to a tree where he'd left his quiver and bow. “I wish to practice my aim some more. I'll join you later.” 

Fili nodded, turning to Thorin. “Uncle?”

“I'll stay with Kili for now.” he declined, taking his pipe from his mouth. “I wish to watch his archery.” 

Fili smiled, eyes crinkling as he glanced between the two of them, though Thorin was the only one to notice, Kili too occupied with adjusting his bow. 

“I'll make sure Bombur doesn't eat it all before you come back.” Fili joked, before waving to the two and leaving the clearing in which they'd been practising. Thorin watched as Kili loaded an arrow into his bow, before lifting it and taking a deep breath as he aimed, letting the arrow fly towards one of the crude targets he'd drawn on the trees the week previous in some chalk he'd found, the marks starting to fade from weathering and use.

Thorin had taken to watching Kili practice his archery whenever the dwarf decided he would be shooting. He didn't claim to understand the appeal in it totally yet, but he thinks he was starting to get it. It certainly was Kili's greatest strength, Dwalin had not been wrong about that. There was a confidence to him with a bow that just simply wasn't present when he held his sword in his hand, though he carried it well. He would smile every time he loosened an arrow, obviously enjoying his art, and Thorin regretted that it had come to such unfortunate circumstances before he took a true interest in Kili's chosen weapon. 

He watched as Kili placed another arrow in the notch, letting it fly once more. Judging from the frown on the younger dwarfs face, it hadn't gone exactly where he'd intended. Thorin snuffed his pipe out and placed it on his coat, which was resting on the log before approaching Kili, who turned when he heard the heavy footfalls, grinning as Thorin approached.

“Could you teach me?” Thorin asked, gesturing to the bow. 

Kili nearly dropped it in shock.

“Are you sure?” He frowned, not certain if Thorin was jesting with him. Thorin nodded, smiling at Kili. 

“I am positive. I want to understand why you smile so brightly when you hold this thing in your hands.” Thorin reached for the bow, which Kili surrendered to him easily, and passed him an arrow from the quiver. 

“Um,you need to hold it like this.” Kili stuttered as he explained, reaching to adjust Thorin's grip on the bow, his front pressing against Thorin's back as he manoeuvred the elder dwarf into what was presumably the correct stance. 

“Stand with your legs a little further apart.” Kili instructed, and Thorin did as he was told, awaiting further command. “Look down the arrow for your target, but remember to keep both eyes open. Only pull the string back taught when you intend to fire. After that, it's just making the shot.” 

Thorin was uneasy, slightly nervous with the unfamiliar weapon in his hands, but willing to try, to put in the effort for Kili, who had stood to the side and was waiting to see what Thorin would do. Choosing his target, he took a deep breath, aimed and fired. The arrow didn't hit it's mark directly, but it hit the tree, and that was good enough for Thorin. Apparently for Kili too, who was grinning widely as he reached for the bow back from Thorin. 

“That was brilliant, especially for a first try.” Kili grinned. Their hands brushed as he took the bow, and on an impulse, Thorin covered Kili's hand with his own, keeping him against him. 

“I have to confess, Kili, it is not the first time that I have held a bow.” He said, voice low. Kili was barely a foot from him, so there was no need to speak louder, particularly since these words were for Kili's ears alone.

“Once, when I was younger than you, I tried to use a bow. Just the once.” Thorin looked at Kili as he spoke, refusing to turn away this time, even as Kili's face fell. “Some of the elder dwarves mocked me for even picking it up, questioning my heritage and my blood. I refused to touch a bow after that day, unable to forget the scorn in their voices.” He pulled Kili closer to him, placing bow hands over Kili's on the bow. “They made me feel like I wasn't worthy of being a Durin, of our line and it was the worst feeling in the world. And then I did the same to you, despite every resolution I ever made as a child not to be anything like those dwarves.” His hand moved to Kili's cheek, seemingly of its own volition, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of Kili's face above his stubble.

Kili glanced to the side, but did not pull away, hesitating before he spoke. Then he smiled.

“I am glad you told me this, uncle.” He said, placing his hand over Thorin's on his cheek. It was intimate, but Thorin felt no desire to pull away. “I'm sorry that they made you feel that way, but you are not like them. Not at all. I already told you, this was not your fault. It was nobodies fault, except the goblin that shot me. And I am fine now.” 

“Now, yes.” Thorin sighed, then pulled Kili in, pressing their foreheads together. “But what if you had not?” He said, barely a whisper between them.  
“Then it still would not have been your fault, Thorin.” Kili replied, voice just as low, moving his hand to gently lay it on Thorin's arm.

“How can you be so forgiving?” Thorin breathed, opening eyes he had not realised he had closed to stare into Kili's, wide, brown and brimming will all his emotions.

Kili laughed, before pulling back slightly with a sad smile.

“Do you really still not know?” 

There was the briefest moment of hesitation, before Kili apparently threw caution to the wind, leaning in and pressing his lips to Thorin's in the briefest of kisses, the ghost of his lips still on Thorin's even after he pulled away, looking at the older dwarf with a strange mix of terror and hope.

Suddenly everything seemed to slide into place. Kili's eternal forgiveness, Fili's strange implications and, most importantly, Thorin's rapidly increasing desire to be by Kili's side as often as he could possibly negotiate.

He grinned, taking hold of Kili's wrist and pulling him back to him, wrapping his arms around the younger dwarf's mouth as he claimed his mouth in a far more passionate kiss. Kili dropped his bow to the ground, his arms coming to wind around Thorin's neck as he pressed himself closer to the older dwarf, as though he couldn't possible get close enough unless he were in Thorin's very skin. 

Finally, air was a necessity and Thorin pulled back from Kili's mouth reluctantly, resting their foreheads together once more. Kili looked at him, breathing heavily and cheeks flushed with an exertion that was nothing to do with his sparring. Thorin brought his hand up, running a thumb over the younger dwarfs slightly swollen lower lip. 

“How has it taken me so long to see this?” he mused, more to himself than Kili, pressing their lips together once more. 

“I did try my best not to let you know.” Kili replied, moving his hands to grip Thorin's shoulders. “Fili did mess that up a bit, somehow he knows everything about me, even when I don't tell him. But it was alright, because according to him you didn't get it.” He smirked. Thorin thought back to the night before they had entered the mountains, when Kili had slept at his side and he'd spoken with Fili before he fell into sleep. 

“He was right, I didn't get it. He was very purposefully vague though.” Thorin said, letting out an amused huff of air. Kili glanced to the side nervously, tangling his fingers in Thorin's hair, but not saying anything further. Thorin pressed his nose into Kili's cheek gently, squeezing his waist softly, but releasing him quickly when Kili let out a gasp.

“Kili, I am sorry...” He started, but Kili hushed him. 

“It's fine. It barely hurts any more. You didn't do it on purpose. Just, be careful?” He said, grinning.

“Very well.” Thorin pulled him to sit on the fallen branch anyway, concerned despite Kili's protestations. “Now, something bothers you.” he brushed some of Kili's hair away from his face, still constantly in his eyes despite being tied up once more. “What is it?”

Kili bit his lip, apparently debating on whether to speak. “I just thought...I thought that you did not want me in this way. Not that I am complaining, but it's something of a shock.”  
“I have a bad habit of not realising what I have until it is taken from me.” Thorin replied, tipping Kili's face towards him by the chin. “I have been extraordinarily lucky with you this time.” 

“Even so, the night I woke... you didn't say a thing. I thought it was your way of letting me down gently.” Kili responded. Thorin wondered what he meant for one moment, thinking back to that night, though a lot of his memory was just the relief he had felt when Kili had spoke for the first time. Kili had woke, they had talked, and then Thorin had gone to fetch Fili and food. 

And Kili had said he'd loved him, and Thorin remembered that overwhelming feeling of a lost chance.

Thorin crushed his mouth to Kili's, as though he could make him feel all his love, adoration and regret through the touching of lips alone, pulling Kili to him as forcefully as he felt the other dwarf could tolerate.

“I did not realise what I had missed until the moment had passed.” He explained, when he pulled away once more. “I knew that I felt that something had been missed, been lost, but it is only now I realise what I could have had. I am sorry that it took me so long to realise, Kili, I truly am. Can you forgive me?” Thorin didn't plead, Thorin never pleaded, but even he might admit he veered close with his words to Kili.

The younger dwarf simply laughed, pressing his lips to Thorin's. 

“Always.” 

He returned to kissing Thorin with abandon, allowing him entrance to his mouth and being granted it in return, their hands tangling in hair one moment, and travelling along each others bodies the next, gradually undoing tunics and belts at a leisurely pace. Half out of simply having the chance to do so, and half out of Thorin taking great care not to do anything that might cause Kili strain on his healing wound. 

They gradually moved to the soft grass, half clothed with their boots by their heads, hands roaming each others bodies as they explored each other thoroughly. As soon as Thorin's tunic was fully parted, Kili rolled him onto his back and sat astride him, leaning down to press a line of kisses down his chest so slowly that Thorin wasn't entirely sure it was actually a form of torture, gripping at Kili's thighs at his side as Kili slid down his body, stopping entirely when he came to the edge of Thorin's breeches, sliding his fingers teasingly along the cuff, but going no further than to dip his fingers inside, brushing Thorin's hips so lightly, he wasn't entirely sure he'd imagined the touch in his desire.

“Kili.” He growled, opening his eyes to stare at the young dwarf astride him. Kili laughed and pushed his hair over his shoulder, an action Thorin was certain shouldn't have been as attractive as he was finding it. 

“Very well, I shall take pity on you.” With that, Kili's deft archers fingers unlaced Thorin's breeches with ease, and he lifted his hips to allow Kili to slide them down just enough to free Thorin's aching erection, running his finger along the underside as it was revealed to him, causing Thorin to gasp and buck up, Kili tutting and holding his hips down with his other hand. 

“Patience.” he joked, looking at Thorin from under hooded eyes. 

“I'll give you patience.” Thorin snapped, immediately followed by a groan as Kili leant down and lightly sucked the tip into his mouth, teasing the slit with his tongue. Thorin's hands immediately wound themselves into Kili's hair, trying not to buck up into his mouth as Kili moved further down, taking more of Thorin into his mouth and hollowing his cheeks to create more suction.

He found himself unable to take Thorin's entire length into his mouth, wrapping his hand around the base and squeezing as he began to move up and down, occasionally running his tongue along the entire underside when Thorin was least expecting it, causing him to moan and twist his hands tighter into Kili's hair. Kili twisted his hand and pressed himself down as far as he could go, Thorin gasping his name out as best he could in the form of a warning before he found himself coming, unable to warn Kili in time for him to move away. Kili, however, didn't appear to mind, swallowing down Thorin's orgasm until he was spent, before moving away and laying his body over Thorin's, the elder dwarfs hands coming to rest gently on his back, as far away from the wound as possible.

Kili opened his mouth to say something, no doubt something he thought incredibly witty and smart, but Thorin surprised him by turning them over, gently enough so that he didn't hurt himself, but still supporting Kili as he lowered him into the grass, moving to undo his trousers and slipping a hand in to grasp at Kili's still hard cock, twisting his hand and making Kili moan, forgetting anything he might have intended to say as he grabbed at Thorin's shoulders, arching into him as Thorin began to move his hand over Kili's erection, squeezing the base before twisting his hand around as he moved up, rubbing his thumb over the head before repeating the entire motion once more. 

“Thorin, please.” Kili gasped, nails digging into Thorin's shoulders, biting his lip to stop himself crying out. 

“What were you saying earlier about being patient?” Thorin smirked at him, released his cock and letting his hand travel down between Kili's thigh, letting his fingers trace the entrance to Kili's body. He was unable to take Kili this time, unprepared as they were, but there was also something incredibly appealing about waiting, letting the first time he take the younger dwarf be in the large chambers that belonged solely to the King Under The Mountain. 

He would retake Erebor, and Kili would be his reward. 

He moved back to work at Kili's cock once more, twisting and rubbing at him until Kili was practically falling apart in his arms. Taking pity on his lover, he leant down and took him into his mouth, taking his entire length in one swift movement, and Kili immediately came apart underneath him, hands gripping at his shoulders as he came with a cry of Thorin's name. 

He made them as presentable as they need be before moving up to lean against the fallen tree, taking Kili into his arms and placing his neglected coat over their bodies. Kili nuzzled his head into Thorin's shoulder, yawning in his post-coital bliss. 

“It would not be best to sleep here. You will get aches.” Thorin chastised, running his fingers through Kili's hair, easing out any knots they'd caused.

“S'not sleeping. Resting my eyes.” Kili replied, in the voice Thorin knew meant he was already more than half-asleep. He smiled down at Kili, placing a kiss on his head.

“I love you, Kili.” He said, quietly.

“Love you too, Thorin.” Kili mumbled, his voice half disguised by Thorin's shoulder, but clear enough for Thorin to hear it and smile, almost completely content for the first time that he could remember in a good, long while.  
The quest would continue eventually, but Kili was alive and at his side, and Thorin felt like he could take on the whole of Middle-Earth in that instant. He would reclaim Erebor, and Kili would be his consort at his side. Erebor would belong to the line of Durin once more, and they would rule it together, with Fili at his right hand as heir.

Until then though, he was simply content to lie in the clearing with Kili sleeping in his arms, alive, well and still completely himself, and Thorin wouldn't have him any other way, even if it had been a hard lesson to learn.


End file.
